The 2011 Positivity Initiative is in full swing, and despite a few notable instances of deep, crippling depression I am pleased to announce that I am averaging a 55% positive rating for the month of February. In keeping with a culture of sharing best practices, following are my tips for maintaining an optimistic attitude at work.
- Learn to live with what you’re given! Expecting that raise because of the hard work you put in all year? Well, you’ll get it or you won’t – it’s not really up to you! Don’t place unreasonable demands on your boss to deliver results for you, it’s a recipe for stress! Go home and have a beer.
- Stop dreaming and start living! All those silly dreams and goals you have are obviously never going to be realized – you’ve traded soaring for boring. But boring pays the bills! So when you get home have a martini and forget all that nonsense from your youth. You’ll feel great!
- Remember that you actually love what you do! I mean, aren’t you glad you have a job in this economy? How could you be so selfish and ungrateful to your company? They are hurting too – revenues are down so obviously that’s why they haven’t been able to give out raises for 4 years. Have a glass or two of wine, think about the alternative and see how you feel then!
- Anonymity is awesome! You worked really hard on that project, submitted it to your boss and got a pat on the back. What else do you need? Nobody important needs to know your name. Besides, if they know who you are they might ask you to do more work! Go home, take your shoes off, and have a few shots of rye whisky. Soon even you won’t know your name, and you’ll see it’s not that bad!
- Don’t let sickness get you down! You’re going to fall ill at some point; it’s a fact of working life. You spend 8 or more hours a day with people who may or may not practice even basic hygiene. It’s a petri dish of hepatitis, pneumonia and who knows, maybe even pubic lice. Enjoy that cold you get every 3 months – it’s a reminder that despite the empty feeling in your heart, you’re never really alone! Just go home and drink a whole bottle of Nyquil – you’ll be able to hear smells!
Those are just a few of the tactics I’ve developed for maintaining a positive attitude. Any good method requires practice and peer review. If you’d like to try some of these in your own workplace, you can order my promotional DVD Possibly, Positively with Neal by contacting me at firstname.lastname@example.org.